Welcome to Myriam – the advisory center for displaced women in Schleswig-Holstein, Germany

Das Frauenwerk der Nordkirche

The Frauenwerk der Nordkirche is an Organisation for women that belong to the Lutheran Church in northern Germany – that means women in Hamburg, Mecklenburg-Vorpommern and Schleswig-Holstein.

The Frauenwerk organizes and provides a network for women’s work. That means, it brings women together and into dialogue with each other. In all this, special consideration is given to the fact that women see and experience the world in their own way.

In practice, this work is done, for example, through organized women’s retreats, trips and seminars, exhibitions and lectures. These events always have women’s topics as their main focus. The Frauenwerk acts against women being treated unfairly or given less rights than they are entitled to. In the church, the Frauenwerk represents female church members who are actively engaged within the church. It is also involved with feminist theology and femininity within belief, society and church.

Other institutions are also organized within the structure of the Frauenwerk, such as Myriam and advisory centers contra and cara*SH.

Legal advice

Our legal consultation is offered only to women and specifically regarding questions of asylum and legal issues specific to foreign nationals, for example:

• the asylum process
• Hearings
• Residency status
• BAMF-notices
• Court cases
• Female-specific issues

Before beginning our advisory process, it should be established if a translator will be needed. Please bring all available documents. We will be glad to schedule an appointment for you.

What we cannot offer

We cannot assist in the search for appartments. We cannot accompany women to the Jobcenter/doctor/social services office. We cannot accept mandates or provide legal representation.

For other counseling offices or supporters

We offer to

• introduce ourselves and our work at your location or at women’s groups or meetings
• talk about the asylum process
• answer questions that women might have regarding the asylum process
• provide information about female rights and advisory bodies in Kiel

Simply contact us!

Our new project: Your story is important!

Maybe you are familiar with this situation: In everyday life in Germany there are often many obstacles to overcome and there is a lot to manage. Sometimes there is not enough time to enjoy nice things and to remember your own strengths.

In this project, we would like you, with our help, to rediscover your true strengths and to find out what makes you happy. In addition, find out who and what is important to you and what makes you the person you are now.

For this purpose, we use methods of biography work. These methods will be discussed closely with you and the other participants. If you have any questions or want to know more about these methods, feel free to contact us.

Goals of the project – What are the benefits for me?

• (Re)discovering your own strengths based on your individual life history

• Getting time and space for your individual story

• Developing a better understanding for your individual life path and gain strength for everyday life

• Exchange with other women in similar or completely different life situations

• Personality strengthening benefits for the present and future

Please note:

• We do not work therapeutically. We aren’t doctors or psychotherapists.

• Everything is voluntary, confidential and free. So, you don’t have to share anything, but you are allowed anytime.

Who is the project for?

For all the women who came to Germany during the last years.

Where, how, what?

The venue of the event is Kiel, Germany. We meet 3-4 times in a group. Individual conversations are offered as needed. All offers are supported by the services of a translator. So there are no language requirements. Childcare is possible, but should be arranged prior to the meeting.

Background

The project is carried out in cooperation with four different institutions, including the

• Asylum Centre Tübingen e.V. (applicant and project coordinator),

• Midnight Mission Specialist Counseling Centre for victims of human trafficking in Heilbronn,

• SOLWODI Counseling Centre in Fulda

• and us.

The project is funded by the Federal Government Commissioner for Migration, Refugees and Integration and runs until December 2021.

Women tell their story

Sara, 36 years, old from Iraq

I’m a 36 years old woman from Iraq - with college/university education – and I want to briefly share my story with you, a bitter story which I wish no other woman would go through, because I was a victim of traditional and tribal abuse.

This story begins since my childhood, which was very difficult in my case because I had seven brothers, and as a girl they had the power to manage and control my life. As I grew up to become a teenager – which was the hardest time in my life - , they pressured me constantly, treated me very badly and even violated and hit me.

And in the twenties, which was supposed to be the best stage of a girl’s life, where she starts to have ambitions and big dreams, and imagining at some point to find the prince of her dreams and look forward to settle down, well I didn’t live that. In fact it was like a nightmare that I wished to just wake up from. That started by me being forced to marry my cousin, who was already married before to another woman and had by that time eight kids. He is an uneducated, illogical, traditional guy who was as old as my father.

I gave birth to two daughters and my life continued feeling like a nightmare. I couldn’t bear his cruelty and savage treatment, and there was also the huge difference of age, culture and education between us.

No one can imagine how much suffering I went through with him every day. And as I got pregnant for the third time and he figured out that the baby was a girl, he tried to kill the baby by beating me so hard that I was in a critical situation, as if I was responsible for identifying the gender of the baby, and then he forced me to carry out an abortion.

After all that I couldn’t handle it anymore and I decided to flee and take my girls with me – far away from him, so they don’t have the same fate like me. I succeeded to run away and disappear from him for four years. During this period I lived peacefully, respectfully and proudly, but unfortunately, he found me and came to me where I live. He came to my apartment and tried to take me back with him, at this moment we had a fight because I didn’t want to go back to him, and during that fight he killed my eight year old daughter.

I was very hopeless and all I got was just my prayers to God the Almighty to get me out of this horrible life. Later on he was sentenced and jailed and I got divorced from him through the virtue of the court.

After that I tried to flee from my country, and I reached a state of hopelessness where I didn’t have the desire to live anymore. I was very depressed, until fortunately I had the opportunity to travel to Germany, and I take the decision to seek asylum. After I settled down here, it felt like I was born again and I started to recover my life slowly.

In order to regain my health psychologically and intellectually, I received assistance and consultation from ZIP – The Centre for Integrative Psychiatry. Later I got contact to Myriam who provided me with information and assistance which played a major role in facilitating all the procedures that I needed help with.

My life changed totally when I met a special person, who is now my husband, I met him at the institute where I was attending German classes and we got blessed with a new baby girl.

 My daughter will never feel lonely again because she’s got a sister now, as a compensation for the daughter I lost, and I can’t describe the happiness I get when I see how much my daughter loves and cares about her little sister.

I’m happy now that I have a small family that’s helping me regain hope and love for life, at the end life must go on and we got to be patient and strong .

I want to send my thanks and appreciations to the German government, who opened the doors for me and provided me a life with dignity and secure, healed my deep wounds, and supported me to be again a mother, wife with new family.

What would you recommend or say to other women?

I believe that evey woman has their own struggle and story. With faith, patience and determination, we all can succeed and get the lives that we wish.

Semhar, 23 years, from Eritrea

I was 19 years old when I decided to leave my country Eritrea and seek a decent life and a better future because of the dictatorial rule and system of my country.
I started my journey traveling to Ethiopia, which I spent about a year there in the refugee’s camp. After I had the opportunity, I traveled to Sudan with a smuggler till we reached Libya. It took me about three months to get to Italy, and then I take a train to Sweden. Where I spent a short time in the refugee’s camp there, till I headed to my last stop in Germany.
During my two-years journey, I experienced very difficult times and situations, hunger, thirst, seeing people lose their lives, including rape, pregnancy and abortion.
After I came to Germany where I have a cousin I wanted to stay in, but I had fingerprints in the State of Sweden because I applied for asylum when I came from Italy, was the reply from Germany rejection and didn’t accept my application for the asylum and they wanted to send me back to Sweden.
At that time, I asked for help from my camps office and through them I was connected to Myriam, which provides assistance to refugee women. I was assisted by them in cooperating with other parties in coordinating a request for protection by the church. A church  provided me the place to hide in, and I remained under their protection until the transfer period ended and until Germany became responsible for my asylum process.
I stayed for almost two months in the protection of the church until the time for hiding was over, and then I returned to the camp where I stayed for a while, then I moved on to a new private apartment, I after I kept searching for a long time ,I’m glad that I live now in my own apartment.

During that period I was going to psychotherapy, I attended several sessions at the ZIP, the Centre for Integrative Psychiatry, until my condition was improved a lot, and I was able to complete my life healthier.

I learned the language and I got the B1 certificate and then I got a job, now I’m totally self-independence.
My situation now is secured. I got my residency after about a year of my interview at the court, and my situation in Germany has become stable. I look forward to a better future, my plans are to strengthen my language more and reach a better level and continue studying and working on my field.

What would you suggest/tell other women?

I would like to tell every woman who reads my story now, whatever the circumstances that you’re going through or you have been through: never give up.

Get up and continue living your life, take all the opportunities that come your way. Don’t let the despair get you and just try over again, in the end, things will be fine and you'll get what you want.

Yasmin from Iraq

I am a Kurdish-Iraqi Woman, I live in Germany since two years. I got married in Iraq, my husband traveled to Germany. Later, I traveled from Iraq to Germany alone through smuggling from Turkey to Italy and then to Germany where my husband lives.
Unfortunately, my relationship with my husband was not a relationship based on understanding and respect from the beginning. Often, we had problems in Iraq, and every time we when fight he threatened me with killing. When I came to Germany, I thought his is changed to better, but  the situation continued the same as we were in Iraq, I tried to be patient and gave him a chance , unfortunately my husband seemed to be mentally ill. He always suspected that I was cheating him, he wanted to control my life by preventing me from communicating with people and taking my money and expense. He used to close the apartments door and left me alone for a long time.
I decided to leave him. One of the women that I know, suggested me to go to Myriam. I got the advice from them and with help of them I decided to move to a Women Shelter, a place that provides protection and support for women who faces problems.
I stayed a while there and was always supported by them and by Myriam to follow up my Asylum process then in less than six months I got the permanent residence.
After about a year I moved from the "Women's House" to my own apartment. This was the first step toward stability and begins my life. My plan now is to learn the German language, be integrated with the German society and culture in order to develop and improve myself to have a better future.

What would you suggest/tell other women?

I would like to advise every woman not to be afraid and never hesitate to ask for help and support when they are facing problems.

Muna from Somalia

I am a Somali woman who has suffered a lot of pain. Suffering cannot be forgotten, and it left an impact in my life. That suffering cannot be summed up or written here, but I want to talk about my larger problem.

At the age of 12, I was kidnapped by a woman. She took me to Saudi Arabia.Then she handed me over to an Arab family. That day, my problems started, and I became an aggrieved person, serving an entire family. They continually verbally abused me, and I was prevented from going anywhere. They treated me inhumanely for years.

I tried to escape, but it was not possible. The more I tried to escape, the worse my suffering and physical torture became.I have suffered this way until the owner of the house had a traffic accident, she broke her hands, and also sustained a head injury, which led her to the paralysis and inability to serve herself. She always needed someone to help her.

One day the family went on a tourist trip and left me with the owner (the paralyzed woman) to take care of her.I saw my chance to escape and, that day, I ran away. That day was the happiest day of my life. After that, I got the chance to come to Europe, and now I live in Germany. I became free and independent. I got the chance to start a happy life again. I’m thankful for all who helped me, and to the German government.

What do you recommend women in Germany?

I would like to say to all the newly arrived women that they must be brave and have the courage to ask for help, and never lose hope.

Layla, 25 years old, from Syria

I am Layla, 25 years old from Syria. I came with my family to Germany and we got residency and our status was stable, till something unexpected happened to me. My family arranged a traditional marriage for me to some one that I don’t know.

I told my sisters and my brothers that don’t  want to marry this person, but they didn’t accept my decision and my desire, and treated me with violence.
In fact, I had known someone else and loved him and wanted to be with him but I didn’t dare to tell my family about him.

Because of our conservative tradition that prevents us from opposing the word of our parents and our family, I did not have the ability and the courage to reject the arranged marriage by my family.
So me and my boyfriend tried to ask for help, and contacted the helpline "HILFETELEFON" for women in emergency situations, and they lead us to contact Myriam – an advisory center for refugee women.

We got some information from them, like that the German law provides that, "no one shall be forced to get married and that everyone has the right to choose his or her partner".

Our case has been pursued by Myriam in many procedures.
As well as we have consulted an Imam from the mosque to ask him about the compulsory marriage, and the fatwa was that the marriage is false.
The problems between me and my family escalated because of their desire and determination to let me marry the person they had chosen for me.

Then my boyfriend and I decided to get married, and since this decision was against my parents' opinion, I received some threats from my family, so we had to move to another city and start our life again. Now I am married to the person whom my heart chose.

Despite all the difficulties I have experienced, I followed my heart in the end. I achieved what I wanted, and now my husband and I, we are waiting for our first child.

What do you recommend women in Germany?
I would like to send a message to all women’s that they have the right to take decisions for their lives, and not to hesitate to choose the suitable choice for their life and not to let fears and traditions control their life’s.

1. Is my child a German citizen if it is born in Germany?

No, unless one of the parents has German citizenship. There is one exception, if at least one of the parents has been living in Germany for at least 8 years and fulfills some additional requirements. Whether the birth of your child has any implications towards your asylum process or your residency is dependent on many additional factors. If you any questions concerning this topic, we encourage you to come to our legal consultation. (contact)

2. I am currently undergoing the asylum process with my family and want to separate from my spouse. Can I submit my own asylum application (with/without children)?

You do not have to begin a new asylum process, but you can have the asylum process officially separated from that of your spouse. You then receive your own process and your own interview, if you have not been interviewed yet. Then you (and your children) will receive your own notice. If you need help regarding the separation of the asylum processes, we encourage you to come to our legal consultation.(contact)

If you have already had your interview together with your spouse and have not received a notice, you have the possibility to submit your own personal reasons in writing or in a second interview.

3. I came to Germany through family reunification and want to separate from my spouse. Can I get my own Aufenthaltstitel (residence permit)?

There are multiple options. The specifics of your situation are very important here. We can discuss these possibilities in a personal meeting. (contact)

4. How does the asylum process and/or the hearing work?

In this video, you will find an overview regarding the asylum process. If you want, we can also prepare you personally for your hearing. (contact)

5. I want to get a divorce. What do I do now?

In Germany, every woman and every man has the right to get divorced and does not need the consent of anybody else. First, you should make an appointment with an attorney for Familienrecht (Family Law). This attorney has to know if your marriage was governmentally registered or religious/ceremonial. Your attorney will inform you about your rights and will help you fight for them.

6. What rights do I have regarding custody of my children after a separation/divorce?

Principally, women and men have the same rights to custody of their children. In Germany, there are specialized attorneys, who are experts in matters of Family Law. They can help you claim your rights under the law. We encourage you to get a consultation about these issues.

7. My asylum application was (partly) rejected. What can I do?

You should immediately contact a migration advice center or an attorney specialized in migration law. That is important, because there are certain deadlines that have to be met in order to file suit against a negative decision. Unfortunately, these deadlines are very short (one or two weeks). You should consult your attorney about the prospects of your claim and discuss any further steps you might be able to take.

If you cannot get an appointment with a lawyer within this deadline, you can initially file your complaint without an attorney. We can help you with this if you contact us in time.

If you have only received one year of residency (i.e. subsidiary protection or “Abschiebeverbot”), you can file a complaint against the decision in order to get a higher level of protection. Either way you will not lose the level of protection that you already have.

You should consult an attorney or an advice center about the prospects of any claim you may with to make.

8. I did not tell everything in my interview. What can I do?

If you haven’t received a notice yet, you should give your reasons in writing or in an additional interview. The BAMF decides, whether a second interview can be granted. That’s why in this case you should go to an advisory center or consult an attorney. If you have already received a notice, you cannot give additional reasons to the BAMF. However, if you want to file a complaint against the notice, you should discuss this with your attorney and tell them all the relevant information so that they can inform the court in this matter.

9. I have received subsidiary protection/ refugee status. I want to bring family members from abroad into Germany. Is this possible?

In principle, you can currently only file for family reunion if you have received asylum or “Flüchtlingsanerkennung” (that means three years of residency). Since 1st of August, 2018, family union can be allowed also to people granted subsidiary protection. This kind of family union unfortunately is limited to 1000 persons per month in all of Germany. If this situation applies to you, consult your attorney or get information from the website of the respective foreign representation, e.g. a German embassy.

In case of a family union you can unfortunately only bring minors or your own spouse into the country. If you yourself are under 18 years of age, you can bring your parents to Germany. Children above 18 years of age or other relatives cannot be brought into the country by the family reunification process. In any case, you should consult an expert about this topic.

After you have received your notice, you have three months to indicate to the German embassy in the foreign country or to the Ausländerbehörde that you wish to bring your family to Germany. If you miss this deadline, a family reunification will become more difficult, because the requirements also change. In such a case, you should definitely consult an attorney.

10. My parents or other family members want me to marry somebody that I do not wish to marry. What can I do?

Forced marriage is illegal in Germany. You have the right to decide for yourself, whom you want to marry. Approach a person you feel you can trust (i.e. teacher, advice center, jobcenter, etc.) or contact us. We can anonymously advise you and we will not do anything that you do not want or that you do not know of. In principle, you can also go to the police and ask for protection. The police can bring you to a Women’s House for your immediate safety. Women’s Houses are places where women who need protection live together. The addresses of these houses are secret.

11. My husband is hitting me / controlling me / locking me up / taking my money / keeping me from contacting my family or friends etc. I can’t bear it anymore and I need help.

If you are afraid of your husband, you can find protection in a Women’s House. In German Women’s Houses, women under threat of violence can find protection for themselves and their children. In most cases, there is an advisory office at the same location, where you can get answers to any questions that might arise. The address is secret and staying there is totally voluntary. You can leave the house anytime.

If you are not yet sure whether you want to separate from your spouse, you can consult us anytime, anonymously. We will never do anything that you do not wish or do not know about.